Not Super Great

Not super great... those were the words Baylie used to describe her day.  She has an inexplicably painful tendon in her foot and has been lugging a boot around for the past week with no relief from her constant pain.  Even the in house physician is a bit baffled, mumbling something about an MRI the other day.  And apparently a mean 7th grade boy wouldn't move his books so she could rest her leg on a chair today. She even resorted to calling him a jerk, to which he replied he was an American and could do whatever he wants.  I don't really agree with that loose interpretation of our wonderful nationality, but he's a 7th grade boy, what can you expect?

And then... she left her little tablet under a tree after science class.  Her kind friend picked it up and was running to give it to her when another mean boy, a 6th grader this time, tripped her friend, who dropped the tablet, which shattered the screen.  Not super great.  What was great was the grace Baylie showed this friend who knew for sure B would be furious and demand payment for the damaged goods.  She was so relieved when Baylie told her she understood it was just an accident.  All she could say was " My parents can't afford to replace that.  I was so scared."  I am not surprised in the least bit by Baylie's reaction to the whole sad incident.  She is such a wonderful little person. I think my sweet B is super great!

This happens to be two days after she left her iPod in a restroom at a nearby craft store.  She realized she left it and ran back to retrieve it.  Luckily someone had turned it in, but not before they helped themselves to the $25 she had tucked away in the case.  I guess a finders fee is cheaper than replacing an entire Ipod. Not a super great deal there though, I mean, c'mon people! Is your integrity really only worth $25??

Brandon also received not super great news today as well.  A few weeks ago he had a tooth that was giving him a ton of pain.  I finally called a dentist ( being a mom of 6 kids lends itself to becoming a bit skeptical when a child whines about a random pain).  We got him in to see a dentist that accepted our crappy dental plan... there are no real savings when it comes to seeing a dentist, just sayin'.  

Well, the dentist told me Brandon's tooth was broken and he should have it pulled, as it was a baby tooth.  I agreed, thinking it would come right out.  Well, after being all numbed up, Brandon endured what seemed an eternity of trying to yank that stubborn tooth out.  It wasn't about to budge.  The dentist kept trying despite Brandon's claims of pain.  By the time Brandon was crying and visibly shaking, we all finally gave up and went off in search of a pediatric dentist that could sedate the poor little guy.

Two weeks ago, we went to the new dentist ( who accepts cash very happily, but not our crappy insurance plan ) and he said it was merely a cavity and it could be filled, no sedation needed.  Great, save time, money and pain.  Fast forward to today.  We arrived thinking it would be a quick filling on two little baby teeth.  I must say, the new dentist was fabulous with keeping Brandon not only calm but also well informed.  He numbed Brandon up and began to drill, and drill, and drill.  He almost started to fill, but then had to drill some more.  That is when the not super great news came.

The cavity was so deep it would require a root canal... on a baby tooth.  Or...we could just pull the tooth.  Back to square one.  He promised all he would have to do was just wiggle the tooth out.  Yeah, we've all heard that line before.

A few more shots to ensure lack of any pain, a few wiggles, a couple of nervous "ow"'s from Brandon, one loud " Ouch!!" and it was out.  The dentist was amazed at the tooth.  How deep the cavity was, where the nerve was.  Brandon was shocked and relieved it finally came out.

Brandon had the puffy face to prove he had multiple shots to numb him up.  He was quite the cute chipmunk for a couple of hours. He spent most of the day resting and then suddenly felt great.  Well enough to go play soccer with his team for a few hours anyway.

Some days are just not super great.  It sure is hard to see my kiddos suffer the small bumps and bruises this life seems to deliver at random times.  But it is all part of this very human experience we are living.  None of us get out of here alive and I don't think any of us get out with a few battle scars.  

Be Grateful!!

My plan, his plan and His Plan

Nineteen and a half years ago, I was blessed to become a mom.  I had a beautiful baby boy who I  completely adored.  I promised him I would give him everything I could, most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ.  You see, almost three years to the day he was born, his Daddy had flown off to South Africa to serve a mission.  We put our marriage and our life together on hold for his service to Our Heavenly Father.  Living the gospel, marrying an RM and having a worthy priesthood holder in my home were my #1 goals in life at 19.  So yes, we sacrificed it all because of our love for the gospel.

This sweet baby boy of mine never loved being loved.  My grandma was so thrilled to have him come along, in fact, when I told her I was going to have a baby she said she would never live long enough to see him go on a mission.  I promised myself she would. That was my plan.  She is still alive at 97 and he is 19.  She used to cuddle and snuggle up to this little guy and he would cry and scream and arch his back.  He hated nursing and almost waved good-bye to me the first day he was introduced to the bottle ( after 6 painful months of nursing a very reluctant baby ).

As a toddler, he would wake up in the mornings, lay on the floor and pull a blanket over himself.  I would usually roll a sippy cup of juice under his blanket and he would eventually emerge after awhile. Before he knew it, he was surrounded by siblings, but never seemed to miss the attention only the first born is blessed to have.

As a little boy I would read and read and read to him.  He loved Thomas the Train, and as he grew we could see why.  He was so mechanically minded, some days I could almost see the wheels and gears spinning in his head.  He was brilliant. He was full of questions, some of which I couldn't even begin to fathom an answer to.  He was smart, good looking and loved to learn.

We moved around a lot during his elementary years, 4 schools in 2 years.  Medical school and residency took its toll on our family.  James was gone 9 out of 12 months one year.

We finally settled down in Wyoming in a tiny little town of 600.

Yep, that would be the main street, see how there is nary a stop light?

My boys were in heaven.  The town had a park with a little river running through it.   The boys had a "secret island " where they could hang out and play like only 8-11 year old boys can play. They caught snakes and fish. They rode their bikes all over town.  They rode motor cycles and 4 wheelers. Used shot guns and went camping.  It was a perfect little town for boys to grow up in.  While we lived there, my nieces came to stay with us for almost 2 years.  It was a peaceful place for them to heal as well.

But, the partnership offered 5 years earlier never came through for James and the pay was just not cutting it for our family.  So we began looking and looking for somewhere else to work and live.  Close to Utah? Or family? Nope.  After a year of searching, we finally landed in Missouri, further away, but in a wonderful community.  We packed up our little family and moved once again.  My nieces went home to live with their Dad and we began a new life. I spent months mourning the loss of two little girls who had become my daughters. My heart eventually healed and a fresh start is always full of adventure. 

Still a pretty small city, but with many more opportunities for everyone.  My smartest, oldest, good looking son finally had the classes that would mentally challenge him.  A better music program, one of the best in the nation.  A bigger ward, more youth.  So many wonderful things in store for all of us. This was the beginning of our new plan.

But my boy with all of the opportunities was miserable.  And within two years of leaving his little part of paradise in Wyoming,  made the rest of us constantly miserable. We were at our wits end!! So, we sent him to scout camp, hoping it would humble him a bit, and help him realize how blessed he was.

After spending a summer in a tent...

in the fresh air of the Utah mountains...

and using one of these all summer, we hoped and prayed our little boy we loved so greatly would come back to us happier and ready to reset and refocus.  

Well, that plan kind of backfired.  The rest family enjoyed the summer of peace and we were all shocked at how calm our home had become.  But summer ended and our mighty scouter came back with a vengeance   Even more angry and more bitter, he refused to do anything we asked him to do.  His grades plummeted, his hated going to church, he made us all miserable within a matter of days.  And we all endured for two more long and painful years.  Weekends full of fighting and arguing and holes punched in his bedroom door.  This brilliant, handsome son of mine became a hateful enemy full of insults and anger. He swore we would  never have control over his life again. He did everything in his power to make sure he lived up to that promise.

He finally graduated and off he went to BYU.  I knew in my heart he would eventually go down a path I would not choose, probably one of inactivity,  but still held out hope that a mission for my battle scarred son was on the horizon.  He was going to BYU right? Maybe that would be the turning point.

Well, it has been a year full of  heartbreak and sadness. A year of questioning every choice I have made as a parent for this son. My little boy I promised the world to has rejected  what matters to me to me.  Good grades, activity in the church, and most important... a mission.  In October 2012, when he should have already been out serving, the age limit was dropped.  Still, no mission.

I've waited, begged, pleaded, prayed, cried buckets of tears, fought, gone to the temple, laid in bed depressed, run miles and miles trying to clear my head, read scriptures and prayed some more.  Nothing works.  In fact, the mention of a mission usually results in a blood bath full of hateful and angry words.

I have carried this enormous burden for months and months now.  It is last on the list of tests I would have ever signed up for.  And probably my greatest personal failure in life, my son won't serve a mission! Many people tell me to get over it, to move on, it's his choice, he's still a great kid.  In my head, I know this to be true.  But how do you heal a broken heart?  How do I change my plan?

So why do I share all of this? Because I taught a lesson yesterday in Relief Society, and went to Time Out For Women last weekend, and have went to the temple last Friday.  And slowly, little answers and bits of peace have come my way.  

I realize I need to change who I am and how I react to my son.  I have come to realize that Heavenly Father knows the desires of MY heart, and that if I had it my way, my son would be on a mission in heart beat.  I  was also taught by a wonderful friend that our loving Heavenly Father has compensated for all of our choices, mission or not.  And I have come to realize I did give this son everything I could, especially the gospel. I need to find a new definition of what success means for me and my son. 

And now it's time for his plan.  Right now, that consists of an expensive high end apartment, 

a BMW

and working a lot of hours to earn a lot of money so he can spend a lot of money.  

That's the plan. Church?? Not the highest priority in his life right now.  I think he's the only person I know who was in an EQ presidency at BYU and still went less active.  He doesn't have a plan for a mission, not now, not ever.  He feels exempt.  The saddest part? He doesn't know what he doesn't know.  He doesn't realize how greatly this will affect not only him, but his posterity and his ability to serve in the church.

However, there is one plan that has been over looked.  That would be His plan for my son. His plan for me. Right now, it seems like there is no plan, no blueprint, no map.  Just heartbreak for me and stubborn independence for my son.  But Heavenly Father not only authored a plan, he knows what it is and it is going to all turn out just fine.  Because He loves me, and He loves Alex, and He isn't going to come up with a bad plan, probably a better plan than either one of us could ever come up with. 

As for me and my plan?? To sit back, as much as I can, and let Heavenly Father work his magic.  To have faith in the sacred teachings of the spirit that I cannot share here, that have given me comfort.  To learn what I can from all of this, most likely patience, that seems to be the running theme in my life.  To find peace that regardless of how things turn out, mission or not, active in the church or not, Heavenly Father loves my son and in the end, isn't that what we all desire for our children? To be accepted before the Lord.

So, that is the plan, to have faith and to

BE GRATEFUL!

How I know my sons will never scrapbookers be

About a week ago, The Men in the household loaded up our trusty minivan and made the long trek to South Bend, Indiana for the BYU vs Notre Dame football game.  ( Not North Bend as one may have incorrectly called it ).

Just before the merry crew left the drive way, I ran out with camera in hand, along with spare batteries and an empty memory card.  " Be sure to take lots of pictures"  In my mind's eye, I imagined snap shots full of fun, great memories of the boys bonding while they traveled together.

After the game on Saturday night I was speaking with James and asked if he took plenty of pictures.  

" I dunno-- the boys had the camera the whole time, I'll have to ask them." Red flag number one.

The second red flag came when all of the boys were wondering why they would take a bunch of 

pictures of themselves.  Crazy?!?

So, my disappointment wasn't too great when I finally got my hands on the memory card, NOT full of memories.  Here are a few of the " awesome " snapshots.

Yep, my boys will never scrapbookers be, at least they have the memories and some male bonding.

Family Fun

 

A few quick pictures of the random happiness in our lives...

 

 

 Brandon turned 10 this month, which means he moved up from Bears to Weblos.  This is him receiving his Bear Claw, for passing off all 24 requirements 

 The previously mentioned Birthday Boy-- trying to blow out candles that re-light, it was a big hit

 Another birthday picture-- friends included this time

 It wouldn't be a Saturday without one or more soccer games included

 

 B doing her best to help her team bring it home.  They won 2 out of 3 games-- good job ladies!

 

 Simple Sunday afternoon-- the boys throw a ball around and the girls have taken up photography to fill the afternoons

 A picture while taking pictures

Here are some examples of their photo fun 

Guess what B is going to be for Halloween this year?  This pic was taken just before her Halloween Orchestra Concert-- cutest busy B ever!



Pictures

A few months ago I had a prompting to purchase an external hard drive.  Within a few weeks, our computer crashed and all of my priceless pictures were saved on the back up drive.  I was so relieved, until the hard drive crashed as well.

Luckily, Baylie told me she had saved all of the pictures onto the computer once it was restored.  Whew!  I was in a somewhat peaceful state of  mind until I needed some family photos.  No problem, I thought, they are all right here on the computer.   It was all good until I tried opening folder after folder and realized, most of the pictures did not transfer from one place to another and many photos were lost in the process.

I was heart broken.  I mean, what are the chances of a computer and a hard drive crashing within weeks of each other? Especially since said hard drive was supposed to be extra super duper?

I had also saved a bunch of pictures to a memory stick a few month earlier.  I went to my secret hiding place for special stuff I thought my kids knew nothing about, but much to my surprise... they had invaded and stolen my memory stick.  No one knows who took it or where it went, but it is gone and long forgotten by the little thieves.

So, yesterday, after talking about homecoming and no batteries in the camera, along with missing memory sticks and crashed hard drives, I decided to transfer as many pictures as I could to my new hard drive and hope it sticks this time.

As I was looking through the photos and sorting them into folders, I realized how quickly my kids have grown.  I reflected on the time I had spent working with my Grandma on her life history.  She didn't like going through her old photographs, she was very reluctant to provide me with pictures to add to her history.  When I finally pressed her on the issue, she told me it was because it made her homesick.  I got a little taste of that homesick feeling myself last night.  

My kids have grown so quickly.  My Grandma also used to tell me to enjoy my kids while they were young because they would be grown and gone before I knew it.  I really didn't believe her at the time.  I had three little boys under three years of age, all in diapers and a husband in medical school, or in other words, never home.  Add three more to the mix in another five years and we had six wonderful children that overwhelmed me with their love, demands and needs.  I didn't think they would ever grow up, let alone leave!

However, this weekend two of my boys went out for homecoming together, another is away at college.  Jeremy will be preparing to leave for a mission within the year.  Time has definitely passed by quickly and it seems to be speeding up as my sweet little children are leaving as quickly as they came in.  

  So, here are a few of the recovered pictures from past to present and back again.  From Brandon's first soccer ball, to Alex becoming a deacon and pictures of my beautiful daughters.  Jeremy and Alex covered in rust after a long hard days work at the Trembath Ranches, along with Kyle playing soccer ( surprise! ) There are even pictures from way back when Alex used to smile, it's been along time since we've seen that.

A picture truly is worth a thousand words.  

And... Grandma was right- they grew up before I knew it!

 My three Eagle Scouts and their Grandpa ( you can see where Alex gets his smile from )

 The one picture we were able to take of Alex on graduation day.

 Cute girlies

 Alex in last years Fall Festival

 My first Eagle Scout

 My rugby player

 Oh, they had a blast sanding down rusty fences for our adopted Grandparents- The Trembaths

 Missionary in the making

 Soccer Champ

 Kenz doing her favorite thing

 Pretty Princess

 All snuggled and warm

 My sweet Bee

 Cutie

 Where did this little fella go?

 Oh, there he is... on a soccer field, what a surprise!

 The Alex I miss so  much

 Our first deacon... not so short anymore.  He is now six feet tall!

 Always an ice cream lover!

 One of Brandon's first soccer balls--see the look on his face? Love at first sight! He literally learned to kick a soccer ball one week after he learned to walk.  Tells you something, doesn't it?

 Good Old Jerma!

 Coolio-- just chillin by the river in Wyoming

 Sweetest baby picture-ever!

Getting close to being all grown up