Lack of Gratitude Wednesday
I'm tired. I really am. I swore I would never be one of those moms who was always going a million different directions all at once. It seems my life is slowly, or quickly, sliding in that direction. I don't know if it has to do with the emerging teenage population in our family, or if I have just agreed to do too much, all I can say is, I am tired.
First, I think it starts with this little bird that has decided to sing outside of my window every morning, beginning around 4:00 a.m. That's right, 4 am!! I am so sick of hearing the morning music that I actually asked Heavenly Father during my morning prayers to tell the little bird to go sing somewhere else. I think that has something to do with being really tired. Who knows, maybe my prayer will be answered. I am not the kind of person that can roll over and ignore the noise, I am basically awake once Mr. Bird shows up and starts performing.
Second, this triathlon training thing is killing me!! I never would have guessed I would be at the gym until 10:00 at night, riding the bike for 12 miles and then trying to swim 200 yards in less than six minutes over and over. Then I go to my strength training class the next morning bright and early and start it all over again. This has been the deal for the last three weeks and it is catching up to me. I am trying to squeeze in months worth of training into 6 measly weeks. If my mom didn't have tickets to fly out, I am thinking I would give up. Maybe it is a good thing she is coming so I will stick to my goals, but I sure am tired.
Third, while the work is easy, going into the office a few days a week is really making it difficult to accomplish doing simple things at home like keeping up with the laundry and dishes. So, once again I am at the point of doing something I swore I would never do, hire a cleaning lady. This totally depresses me for a variety of reasons. My kids should know how to clean a house well by now, I should manage my time better, I should just be better at keeping house, etc. It sounds crazy I guess, I just want to be independent and do things myself. It is embarrassing to me that we may have to hire someone to do my job. Maybe I will love it, but right now I am totally depressed over it. But, I am too tired to keep up with it all, so I am calling today to get some quotes-- yikes, failure alert.
Fourth, we have members of both of our families coming out in the next few weeks and this has me totally stressed out. I know, they love us and are coming out to see us, not critique our house.... yeah right. Ladies, we all know how we are... give me a break, we all notice the fingerprints on the windows, the Christmas decorations still hiding in corners, the piles of stuff the kids shoved under their beds and pronounced their bedrooms clean. So don't kid yourselves ladies, we all look and we all judge. So, yeah, I am in a cleaning frenzy right now with very limited time before the first wave of family arrives. Don't be telling me to relax, no one will notice, I guarantee you, they will!!
Fifth, why do kids have to be so mean? I have worked really hard to teach my kids to be nice to everyone and make sure everyone feels welcome and included. How can other parents not teach the same thing? It is so hard to have one of my kids come home from a church activity and turn to tears as soon as they see me because they feel deliberately left out. All because of one bratty little kid at the activity that works extra hard to manipulate and control other people. I can't go into detail, but some days I really want to shake this kid and ask what the problem is. People should raise their kids better!!
Well, kids are calling. It may sound hypocritical-- Be Grateful!!
I'm tired. I really am. I swore I would never be one of those moms who was always going a million different directions all at once. It seems my life is slowly, or quickly, sliding in that direction. I don't know if it has to do with the emerging teenage population in our family, or if I have just agreed to do too much, all I can say is, I am tired.
First, I think it starts with this little bird that has decided to sing outside of my window every morning, beginning around 4:00 a.m. That's right, 4 am!! I am so sick of hearing the morning music that I actually asked Heavenly Father during my morning prayers to tell the little bird to go sing somewhere else. I think that has something to do with being really tired. Who knows, maybe my prayer will be answered. I am not the kind of person that can roll over and ignore the noise, I am basically awake once Mr. Bird shows up and starts performing.
Second, this triathlon training thing is killing me!! I never would have guessed I would be at the gym until 10:00 at night, riding the bike for 12 miles and then trying to swim 200 yards in less than six minutes over and over. Then I go to my strength training class the next morning bright and early and start it all over again. This has been the deal for the last three weeks and it is catching up to me. I am trying to squeeze in months worth of training into 6 measly weeks. If my mom didn't have tickets to fly out, I am thinking I would give up. Maybe it is a good thing she is coming so I will stick to my goals, but I sure am tired.
Third, while the work is easy, going into the office a few days a week is really making it difficult to accomplish doing simple things at home like keeping up with the laundry and dishes. So, once again I am at the point of doing something I swore I would never do, hire a cleaning lady. This totally depresses me for a variety of reasons. My kids should know how to clean a house well by now, I should manage my time better, I should just be better at keeping house, etc. It sounds crazy I guess, I just want to be independent and do things myself. It is embarrassing to me that we may have to hire someone to do my job. Maybe I will love it, but right now I am totally depressed over it. But, I am too tired to keep up with it all, so I am calling today to get some quotes-- yikes, failure alert.
Fourth, we have members of both of our families coming out in the next few weeks and this has me totally stressed out. I know, they love us and are coming out to see us, not critique our house.... yeah right. Ladies, we all know how we are... give me a break, we all notice the fingerprints on the windows, the Christmas decorations still hiding in corners, the piles of stuff the kids shoved under their beds and pronounced their bedrooms clean. So don't kid yourselves ladies, we all look and we all judge. So, yeah, I am in a cleaning frenzy right now with very limited time before the first wave of family arrives. Don't be telling me to relax, no one will notice, I guarantee you, they will!!
Fifth, why do kids have to be so mean? I have worked really hard to teach my kids to be nice to everyone and make sure everyone feels welcome and included. How can other parents not teach the same thing? It is so hard to have one of my kids come home from a church activity and turn to tears as soon as they see me because they feel deliberately left out. All because of one bratty little kid at the activity that works extra hard to manipulate and control other people. I can't go into detail, but some days I really want to shake this kid and ask what the problem is. People should raise their kids better!!
Well, kids are calling. It may sound hypocritical-- Be Grateful!!
2 comments:
Wow. I'd be surprised if you were NOT tired! I'm so impressed by all you're doing :)
I'm tired just reading your post. While I think it's amazing that you are training for a Tri, I know it must be so much more work than simply training for a running race. I totally understand the working in the office and neglecting stuff at home. I used to say that I did a whole bunch of things but none of them very well. Everything seemed to be only half done. It was depressing.
I had a friend in Burbank tell me her mantra "you don't have to clean for friends." It's true. People shouldn't be so shallow and judgmental and if they are then they can keep their opinions quiet. No one's perfect and we do the best we can. Don't try and be like all those mormon moms out there and burn the candle at both ends trying to be perfect. It's not worth it and totally unattainable anyway.
I have a sister who always says, "who cares?" So, whenever I fall into my old thoughts, I say that and snap out of it. It's been good for me.
Good luck with everything. Take care of yourself. :)
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